Back in March, I mentioned I had started a second duel with midnightyell – the 6’5″ much-younger-than-me man from Texas. This one was a “free-for-all”, the most Fitocracy points wins – every activity counts. At that time, I held a somewhat comfortable lead of 9,223 to 7,743. Things were going well, and I admit I was a tad smug knowing how many points I could rack up using barbell complexes. Things appeared to be going my way this time around, unlike the push-up duel fiasco.
Then something very bad happened. Well, bad for me. Great for midnightyell. Midnightyell apparently discovered strongman exercises like tire flipping and sled pushing. These things are worth a LOT of points. Also, I cannot do these things as I am little and not very strong. I was in trouble.
I tried, really I did. I feel I gave it a valiant effort. The last weekend, I spent hours at the gym, despite my itchy red hives. The final day, Sunday, I stayed until my iPhone battery gave out and I was without music. I lifted weights of every type and in every way I could think of. I even got on the elliptical machine and pretended to be a cardio bunny for an entire 12 minutes. It was getting late and close to my bedtime when I finally walked home. Even then, I managed a few pull-ups and some push-ups and tried to narrow his lead – despite how unrealistic it was to think I could perform 250 push-ups in the two hours left of the duel. It was not to be. I lost the duel, 33,009 to 33,495 points.
I even had modern medicine on my side. When I saw the dermatologist on Friday, he prescribed steroids. So, I have to confess… yes, I was on steroids during the final three days of our duel. Then Friday night I indulged in a pub sandwich and several beers. I’m not sure beer is considered to enhance performance. It seems like it does, at the time I am drinking it. Anyway, since I still lost the duel, maybe it doesn’t matter that I utilized controlled substances.
So this means mini-midnightyell is being shipped off to Texas to live with real-size-midnightyell. Probably just as well. I found it a little creepy how sometimes I’d discover mini-midnightyell pulling mini-LinteeBean’s hair, tossing her off the shelf, etc. The voodoo of my… “unique” little yarn dolls should apparently not be underestimated.
Edited to add: Oh my gosh! I failed to include some very important information! The biopsy results came back today. I have…. (wait for it)… HIVES! I won’t lie, I was hoping for zombie flesh-eating disease. I’m disappointed there will be no book or movie deal.