My little girl, a princess napping on a pillow

Rumpelmintz has dealt with a host of ailments over the years: gastro-intestinal disease, heart disease, kidney disease, possible triaditis, the beginnings of hyperthyroidism… and undiagnosed “mystery” issues like her eye, which was removed, and a recurring nasal infection. Treating her was becoming more and more of a balancing act, as treatment for one issue was often contra-indicated due to another medical problem.

Memorial Day weekend I had a scare when I woke Saturday morning to find Rumpelmintz stumbling around like a drunken baby giraffe.  We went to the vet, thinking it was a stroke.  The vet assured me she wasn’t in pain (just disoriented and nauseous).  She gave her some medication, and took her home, knowing it might just be for the weekend.  Surprisingly, she improved and was back to her old self a couple of days later.  I chalked it up to an idiopathic vestibular episode rather than a stroke, though that was a shockingly fast recovery.

Unfortunately, things went downhill again.  Rumpelmintz had been a picky eater for a while now.  We’d gone from her prior diet of homemade raw food to canned food topped with PetTinic and freeze-dried all-meat treats.  I prepared what looked like a cat food sundae for her twice daily.  The past week however, she’d barely eat the treats off the top.  I tried stinkier, tastier, canned food – and she ate a bit, but still not much.

Friday she vomited twice, and urinated on the bed. Saturday night I saw she was drooling profusely and it looked like there might be blood.  I took her to the emergency vet. Unfortunately, it was crazy busy and there were a number of people ahead of me. We sat there about an hour and half, and had not yet seen a vet. I left. I admit, I was getting upset thinking of how I’d been there a year ago with Kitty.com.

Rumpelmintz had an accident in the car on the way home, and now my car reeks of urine because the back seat is soaked in it. I line my carrier with a waterproof absorbent liner, but the liner had shifted away from the edge of the carrier.  I’m not mad at her – not her fault, after that long wait.  I am mad at life, in general.

I had a glimmer of hope when she decided to go downstairs and hang out in the kitchen, but that hope soon faded.  She was so tired, and frail.  I weighed her.  Two weeks ago, she’d weighed a little over eight pounds – now she was under seven.  She was still drooling, and it was tinged in red.

Sunday afternoon, I called the emergency vet, and asked how busy they were.  I explained that we’d been there last night, etc, and I might need to put my cat to sleep.  They told me they’d fit me in right away.  I got a vet I’ve had in the past. I like her.  We talked for a while, and she said it sounded likely it was cancer.  She noted the many problems that seemed to be on the left side, the bad eye (the one we removed), recurring discharge out of her left nostril, now blood from the left side of her mouth.  The vet thought the episode Memorial Day weekend could also have been a result of cancer.  So, while the vet said she could send me home with pain meds and other palliative care… I didn’t want to watch her suffer any more. I let her go.  She just seemed so tired… never giving up, but exhausted and ready to stop fighting if that was okay.

The house seems so empty.  I’m still looking for her and listening for her, and having to remind myself she’s gone.  Gone, but never forgotten. I’m glad this past year has seemed her best – she was so happy to be an only cat, and rule her kingdom as only she could… and should.

Fly free, my princess.

I think my “relationship” with Little Old Neighbor Man II started almost a year ago.  It started innocently enough.  I was walking home from work one night and saw a little old man watering his flowers.  I waved hello, and told him that his flowers were lovely.

As seems par for the course in my world, the story does not end there.

I may have seen this little old man additional times.  I honestly don’t remember.  I am generally listening to my music and hurrying to get home, and if I did see him I probably waved a quick hello and kept going.

This has changed.

Last week, I was walking along at my usual hurried pace when this little old man appeared in front of me, blocking my path on the sidewalk.  I removed my headphones.  He proceeded to chastise me, saying he sits on his porch and has been trying to say hello, but I am always “wired”.

Um, yeah.  I tend to listen to my music.  Rather loudly.

But I promised to pay more attention in the future.

I confess, I haven’t been really good about paying attention.  I try.  I often forget.  I’m also not sure if I need to pay attention both on my way to the train, and on the way home… or just the way home.

I did see the little old man again last night.  He was on his porch.  He saw me.  I saw him.  I waved. This is obviously not going to suffice.  Neighbor man is up off his bench and ready to chat.  He asks my name, and tells me his… it’s Pat.  Well, it’s not really Pat – it’s some long Italian name I did not catch, but he seems okay with being called Pat.

Pat wants to know if I have to hurry home to cook and clean.  Well, I guess… but I explain that it’s “just me”.  Pat seems very concerned that I am am not married.  This is the second person to be very concerned about this recently.  The first was a gym muffin… at the gym.  I guess everyone in my neighborhood is concerned that I am not married?

Anyway, I am now trying to console Pat.  I don’t know why.  I don’t know why he’s concerned, nor do I know why I feel the need to console him that it is PERFECTLY OKAY that I am not married.  I have backed off from it’s “just me” to telling Pat I have a cat.  The fact that I have a cat does not seem to console Pat.

I told Pat I should go, as I wanted to hit the gym.  Pat does not understand why I need to go to the gym when I walk to and from the train every day.  Pat is more interested in my lack of a husband.

So, now I’m telling Pat I have a new friend and we went to the movies.  Pat seems a little relieved.  He wants to know if this man “treats me nice”.  Yes, he is good to me and even bought me some fudge last weekend.  Pat does not approve of this man buying me chocolate.  Chocolate is bad.  Now I’m trying to explain I only had a LITTLE chocolate.

Pat seems difficult to please.

But finally, Pat seems willing to let me go.  He tells me “not to do what he wanted to do”.  I was taken aback.  He clarified he wanted to go inside and go to sleep.  Oh, okay, yeah… I think I won’t do that.  (I went to the gym.)

Pat saw me again tonight.  He was on a ladder, on his porch, taking down Christmas lights and hanging a fake plant.  He was concerned the plant did not look good.  I thought it looked fine, but honestly I do not know anything about this stuff.  Pat came down off his ladder, and his porch, and is concerned I may not have enough plants at my house.  He is looking at his plants and telling me he could dig some up and bring them to my place.  That’s REALLY not necessary.  I will just kill them.  Trust me on this.  I told him I would rather he did all the work needed to keep the plants alive, and I would just enjoy them as I walked by.

Two young men walked by, and said hello to Pat.  This seems to resurrect Pat’s concern over my lack of a husband.  He said those were two nice men for me.  Um… those are two REALLY YOUNG men, Pat.  Are those guys even old enough to drink?

I appreciate the thought, really I do.  But, I’m fine.  I don’t feel I need a little old man neighbor matchmaker guy to help me.

I really just want to go back to waving hello and walking by (quickly).

I am thinking this may never happen.

I am wondering if I will have to change the route I take to the train… again.

Then something very bad happened.  Well, bad for me.  Great for midnightyell.  Midnightyell apparently discovered strongman exercises like tire flipping and sled pushing.  These things are worth a LOT of points.  Also, I cannot do these things as I am little and not very strong.  I was in trouble.

I tried, really I did.  I feel I gave it a valiant effort.  The last weekend, I spent hours at the gym, despite my itchy red hives.  The final day, Sunday, I stayed until my iPhone battery gave out and I was without music.  I lifted weights of every type and in every way I could think of.  I even got on the elliptical machine and pretended to be a cardio bunny for an entire 12 minutes.  It was getting late and close to my bedtime when I finally walked home.  Even then, I managed a few pull-ups and some push-ups and tried to narrow his lead – despite how unrealistic it was to think I could perform 250 push-ups in the two hours left of the duel.  It was not to be.  I lost the duel, 33,009 to 33,495 points.

I even had modern medicine on my side.  When I saw the dermatologist on Friday, he prescribed steroids.  So, I have to confess… yes, I was on steroids during the final three days of our duel.  Then Friday night I indulged in a pub sandwich and several beers.  I’m not sure beer is considered to enhance performance.  It seems like it does, at the time I am drinking it.  Anyway, since I still lost the duel, maybe it doesn’t matter that I utilized controlled substances.

So this means mini-midnightyell is being shipped off to Texas to live with real-size-midnightyell.  Probably just as well.  I found it a little creepy how sometimes I’d discover mini-midnightyell pulling mini-LinteeBean’s hair, tossing her off the shelf, etc.  The voodoo of my… “unique” little yarn dolls should apparently not be underestimated.

Actual Fitocracy duel – I lose

Edited to add: Oh my gosh! I failed to include some very important information! The biopsy results came back today. I have…. (wait for it)… HIVES! I won’t lie, I was hoping for zombie flesh-eating disease. I’m disappointed there will be no book or movie deal.

It all started innocently enough, if that’s how it started.  Despite the number of hours I’ve spent watching educational shows like “House”, “The Walking Dead”, etc., I’m not a medical professional.  However, assuming it may be related, it started with what I thought was “dry, itchy skin” maybe six months ago.  My forehead and ears were itchy, dry, and flaky. I chalked it up to my visits to the gym and the perspiration I put out there, and switched to a softer cloth for sweat-dabbing.

Things didn’t improve, they got worse.  I decided maybe it was my new facial cleanser, and went back to my old one.  I added a thicker moisturizing cream at night.

I continued to blissfully ignore any signs of something more insidious, until a couple of weeks ago. This was when that “dry flaky skin” became more obviously HIVES.  Raised nasty bumps near my eyes and on my hands.  Given my vast medical knowledge garnered from movies like “Contagion” and “Outbreak”, I knew this was NOT RIGHT.  I made an appointment with my doctor.

Hives by my eyes

After being chastised repeatedly by the nurse to STOP SCRATCHING/TOUCHING IT, my doctor looked me over – and took photos.  (Perhaps my hives will be famous!) She suspected I was having an allergic reaction, and prescribed both a steroid cream and an antibiotic cream, and told me to make an appointment with a dermatologist. She assured me it was absolutely not contagious and to stop resisting shaking anyone’s hand.

I made an appointment with the dermatologist’s office, which is a feat in and of itself. Specialists are always booked weeks, if not months, in advance. The earliest appointment available was six weeks from now. I expressed my disappointment. The woman on the phone asked if I had hives “right now”. No, I’m planning on having hives in six weeks. YES, I have hives NOW. They finally decided they could fit me in for an appointment in two weeks.

I also brought my situation to the attention of the “people on the Internet”, because everyone knows going to a physician is only half as useful as finding a group on the World Wide Web for “what is this, and do you think it’s contagious?” One of the Internet experts determined I was allergic to peanuts and should stop eating peanut butter out of the jar (with chocolate chips). I did, but now I was itchy and in severe peanut butter withdrawal. I don’t always eat peanut butter – I’ve gone MONTHS without eating peanut butter. However, that’s because I didn’t feel like eating peanut butter. Being told I should not or cannot do/eat something – that’s another matter. That makes me want that something RIGHT NOW REALLY BAD.

Edited to add: It was Friday night that I purchased Sarna lotion and Benadryl and took Benadryl… this may be a clue…. because:

When I woke up last Saturday morning, the hives had worsened and my eyes were swollen.  I brushed my teeth (but not my hair) and went to the pharmacy in my pajamas to pick up my prescriptions. The nice thing about looking like poo is the pharmacists generally seem sympathetic and eager to serve you – and get you the heck out of the store before you scare the other customers.

Swollen eyes

Yes, I went out in public like this. I’m sorry.

Of course, the prescription creams come in tiny bottles and cost a lot. I applied them to the affected areas of my face and… it STUNG… but it made the itching bearable, for a time. I hoped this saga would be coming to an end.

My body seemed to have other ideas. Within days, I had hives covering my arms, legs, back… what had been a few itchy red patches on my face and hands became an entire body outbreak. My whining had increased exponentially, and I was starting to flail on pieces of upholstered furniture waving my arms and legs in an attempt to itch my entire body at once.

Hives on my thighs

So, that’s where things stand at present. I am whining and scratching… I sleep a few hours until I have to get up and scratch more. Even Rumpelmintz seems to have some pity for me and has put her paw on my arm as though to comfort me – or stop me from annoying her with my scratching. A few coworkers have said I make them feel itchy, and scratch sympathetically.

I see the dermatologist on Friday. Let’s hope for a miracle cure!

We started by just sitting down and getting to know each other a little. I told him my whiny-ness level was at a 7 tonight (on a scale 1 to 10).  He seemed surprised I start my sessions this way.  I find it’s good to give my trainer an idea what they are in for before I land up throwing a tantrum in the middle of the gym, flailing my arms and whining “this is HARD!!!!”.  They should plan accordingly.

My former trainer had warned Nick that HE does not choose what we do… I choose what we do. However, he asked me how I felt about incorporating the Bosu ball into my routine. My face told him quickly how I felt about that. NO.  Bosu is a four-letter word.

I let him know that I HATE cardio and I cannot jump and any exercises that involve multiple steps are difficult.  He thinks he can teach me how to jump. Hmm… I don’t believe that. He’s not seen me attempt this “jumping” thing.

He asked about my diet.  I told him I don’t eat meat, and I don’t do it for health reasons – so don’t bother trying to explain the benefits of protein – it’s gross and I just cannot do it.  I’ll eat Greek yogurt and eggs and try to watch my protein intake, but that’s as far as it’ll go.  He was okay with that.  He asked “for example, what did you eat yesterday?” Let’s see… for breakfast, I had a protein drink – good! For lunch – I just had soup (not much protein) but knowing that, had a nonfat latte, so got some protein there.  By dinner I was starving, and I ate whatever I could find in my kitchen (Brussel sprouts, soy meatballs, other random stuff)…..

… and then I ate peanut butter out of the jar, with chocolate chips.

He said he eats peanut butter out of the jar too… but not with chocolate chips.  (It is 98% more awesome with chocolate chips.)

He asked if I had any medical conditions.  I told him I am old.  He said that’s not a medical condition.  I’m just saying – I’m going to come in and say “my knee hurts” or “my shoulder hurts” and he’ll ask why (at least my former trainer always did) and I don’t know why – I’m old.  Things hurt sometimes.  Also, I have the mystery motion-sickness-like thing that sometimes makes me nauseous and, combined with my natural clumsiness, causes me to fall down sometimes.  So, there’s that.  Oh, and at present I seem to be having some violent allergic reaction to something and I’m itchy and covered in hives.

He asked me about my goals.  Obviously, my goals are to lose fat and increase muscle.  Does anyone come in hoping to gain fat and lose muscle?  This seems obvious.  I told him I wanted to have gigantic gorilla arms and skinny chicken legs.  He said he was not going to let that happen.  I told him I wanted to grow biceps.  I told him I want to do handstand push-ups.  He seemed a little uncomfortable with that, and said we’d have to start with overhead presses… I just want to do handstand push-ups… someday.

I want to do EVERYTHING in the first part of the “Cryin’ Like a Bitch” video by Godsmack.  He was unfamiliar – so his “homework” was to watch this video.  I don’t need to do the stuff in the last part of the video, where the mixed martial arts fighters pummel each other and bleed… just the first part where they do one-armed inverted rows and spider push-ups and other awesome stuff.

I told him I’d finally done an unassisted pull-up.  He’d been there when I did my first unassisted chin-up, so he said “Oh, you’re THAT girl!”.  Yup, the woman that went nuts because she just did her first unassisted chin-up and made her trainer do a happy dance with her.  Now, I want to do three unassisted pull-ups in a row.  Then I want to work up to muscle-ups, because being able to pull your entire TORSO away from the zombies will be even better than just pulling your head out of danger.

New trainer is VERY into high-fives, and said I would have to work with that. I can work with that, that’s fine.

… and though I promised to do my second set of rear lunges after we “checked out” (time for our session to end), he said NO and made me do them RIGHT NOW. He is mean.

So, we started with a little boring core work – plank jacks.  I understand the importance of core work – I just find most of it boring.  It’s probably good my current program does it first and gets it out of the way.

Next… POWER.  (Sounds fun, doesn’t it?)  Tonight for “power”, I’d selected one-armed dumbbell snatches.  Nick told me all the things I was doing wrong, and I was able to correct a few things.  So far, so good.

Time for strength super-sets.  First up:  Romanian Deadlifts, super-set with overhead dumbbell presses, super-set with goblet Bulgarian split squats.  Why the HECK I’d put Bulgarian split squats into my routine, I don’t remember.  They are HARD.  They make me want to die – preferably, at home, in my bed, peacefully, soon.    I didn’t do all the reps in my second set of split squats… and omitted the third sets of everything entirely.  We were running short of time, anyway.  I also dislike that this stage of my program has us aiming for 12 reps per set.  I told Nick I would prefer to do very heavy weights for one rep with poor form.  Nick does not like this idea.  Nick is being difficult.

Moving on to more strength super-sets… this time, lat pulldowns and rear lunges with overhead presses.  WHY did I include rear lunges?  They are also really REALLY hard!  I did my first set of pulldowns… some reps of the first set of rear lunges… looked up at the clock.  I did 10 of the 12 reps in my second set of lat pulldowns.  Nick chastised me for giving up at ten – he felt I had two more in me.  I don’t think I did.  I wanted to go home and vomit now.

I told Nick I’d do the second set of rear lunges/overhead presses after I checked out.  Our time was up.  Nick said I could do them now.  Oh, I don’t want to make him late for his next client… I can do them later.  Nick said I could do them RIGHT NOW.  Nick is mean.  I did some reps, and then threatened to die if we did not stop.

Checked out, and our first session came to an end.  I had broken a nail, and Nick did not even CARE.  Of course, my lack of nail polish and haggard cuticles could have made my plaintive “Oh no!  I broke a nail” rather difficult to believe, I suppose.

Afterward, I went upstairs and did some easier upper body work.  I know Nick said he’s not going to let my “giant gorilla arms with chicken legs” goal come to fruition – but Nick can’t see what I’m doing upstairs after our session – or the push-ups and pull-ups I’m doing at home. Nick seems okay.  I can work with him.  He’s not “mini-Nick” doll worthy yet, but we’ll give him time.

Though, with all the encouragement and motivation, not only did I land up acquiring my very own pull-up bar for home – but I worked up to doing unassisted ones!  Yay, me!

Then, both my pull-up opponents injured their shoulders.  I’m carrying on, but I feel a bit guilty kicking them while they’re down.

MidnightYell continued to taunt me, and I continued to remind him that my chiropractor has discouraged me from doing push-ups, so a push-up duel was out.

Then he called me “crochet for brains”.  “Crochet for brains???”  IT IS ON.  I challenged him to a “free for all” duel – who ever gets the most Fitocracy points from March 15 through April 14 wins. I don’t think he knew what he was in for. Sure, he can do a lot more push-ups than me.  Sure, he’s stronger than me.  Sure, he can run… in fact, he can run over 3 miles, whereas I ran a half mile once and nearly died.

Despite all these advantages, I think he failed to take something really important into account.  I have no spouse.  I have no children.  In fact, I have no family in the state where I live.  Not only do I lack any family obligations – but my gym is located about two blocks from my house, and it’s open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  Also, since all activity counts, I don’t have to reply on my noodle-twig arms.  These short chubby little legs can carry most of the weight – they’re used to it.

I hit it hard the first night, Friday. I had to take Rumpelmintz to the veterinarian, but went to the gym afterward and lifted weights and did circuits/complexes and racked up 1,838 points – compared to MidnightYell’s 522 points.  BOOM! I am bringing it!

I went to the gym again on Saturday and logged a reasonable 1,148 points.  MidnightYell hit the gym harder and logged an impressive 2,383 points.  Impressive, but not quite enough to take the lead.

I was back at the gym again Sunday.  I kicked butt and took names.  I was there almost the entire afternoon and logged 2,979 points!  Booyah!  MidnightYell had family obligations and tracked 456 points. Fellow memebers of Fitocracy started giving MidnightYell props for being “lawful” and “good”, a great dad and a wonderful famil man…. which meatn I was given the reputation of being the dark/evil team on Fitocracy.  I can live with that.  It’s often more fun on the dark side.

On Monday, MidnightYell logged 749 points while I was a lazy bum and did only some push-ups and pull-ups at home for 100 points. My laziness continued on Tuesday (51 points) and Wednesday (175 points) and Thursday (168 points), while MidnightYell logged 435 points, 1,193 points, and 428 points.

Friday I was back at the gym.  I hit it hard and tracked 2,764 points, including a 20-rep barbell squat at one times my bodyweight.  Boom!  He got 428 points.

Saturday, I sat on my lazy butt watching hockey, movies, and making a mini-MidnightYell out of yarn. MidnightYell hit the gym and accumulated 1,577 points.

The score now stands at 9,223 points for team Lintee Bean, 7,743 points for team MidnightYell.

Today’s Sunday, and so far I’ve sat around watching movies and finishing the mini-MidnightYell.  I may hit the gym yet tonight.  There’s several weeks left in the challenge, and anything could happen!

MidnightYell versus LinteeBean – may the best yarn-and-stuffing person win!

Ron asked me what I wanted to do, as usual.  He knows I have a list of things I want to cover before he leaves. However, I was a bit distracted by his computer-generated image of me.  The image (and related information on me and my goals) is the first page on the left side of his folder. So, when he opens the folder to make notes on our workout, the picture is displayed prominently on the side of the folder facing away from him – and toward everyone else. I suggested perhaps he needed to make a new image. I reminded him that the “current me” image was unflattering – and the “goal me” image is not motivating whatsoever.  He moved the page behind another page so it wasn’t showing.  He told me he hasn’t made an image of any of his clients since mine – you’re welcome, all you clients I don’t know.

We did some stability ball roll-outs for my core, and “lawnmowers” for my power exercise.  Unfortunately, I tend to “break my wrist” (Ron’s term was “girl curl”) in my lawnmowers, so I need to fix that. I was lightheaded and woozy – an undesirable effect of the ongoing mystery ailment, that still gets worse with weather changes (like the recent snow, then temperature increase, then rain).  Ron also showed me how to do dumbbell pullovers on the stability ball.

Ron said he could tell I’d lost weight, perhaps he was just feeling guilty about the computer image, but I’ll take a compliment!  Plus, laying with my lower back on the stability ball and knees bent – my thighs did look practically “skinny”.  Far thinner than when I’m sitting on my butt in a chair with the fat squooshed to the sides.  Looks better with the fat hanging/hiding below – something to keep in mind, I suppose.

Next we did one-leg Romanian deadlifts (single-leg stance) – and alternating arm dumbbell shoulder presses.  The deadlifts were extra challenging due to the dizziness.

Then Ron introduced me to the T-bar.  Yay, fun with free weights!  We did T-bar deadlifts and T-bar rows.

Upstairs to the “jungle gym” for assisted pull-ups.  Ron was not impressed with my sets of one assisted pull-up per set, using my resistance band that provides about 50 lbs of assistance.  For my fifth, and final, set, he encouraged me to do ten to twelve.  Not happening.  I managed two… and a half.

Since my chiropractor is discouraging my push-ups, I’m now almost 600 push-ups behind target in the 20,013 in 2013 challenge.  MidnightYell suggested we do another duel, but I feel this would be frowned upon by my medical professional.  What’s a girl to do?  Well, challenge ImpishFae to a pull-up duel!  It includes pull-ups and chin-ups (though my chiropractor has discouraged me from doing chin-ups), and includes the assisted variety – a good thing, since I can’t yet do an unassisted pull-up.  ImpishFae is super sweet, and only counting her unassisted pull-ups so she doesn’t crush me.

The duel has begun! Yarn-girl versus woman with skull (seems her last foe met with his demise)

For my core work, he suggested stability ball roll-outs.  These sound innocent enough – but they are REALLY hard and HURT.  I managed ten… if you count the two where I got “stuck” and Ron had to give me a push.

For my “power” work, I learned kettlebell swings.  These aren’t bad – though I’m afraid the weight is going to fly out of my hand and smack some other gym member in the head, making their brains come out of the heads and opening me up to a liability lawsuit.

For “single-leg stance” we did single-leg Romanian deadlifts.  These are difficult, but I kind of like them.  I struggled with them when I was doing the “for Women” program.  Now I’m much better at them, meaning  I fall over less often.  In fact, Ron said I had the best form he’d seen on them!  Yay, me!

For “push”, I did dumbbell shoulder press.  Something simple that I’ve done for ages and while I still don’t have as much strength as I’d like – my brain doesn’t have to work that hard, just my arms/shoulders.

For “squat” I did barbell back squats which are kind of my favorite things EVER.  Squats are just cool.  I warmed up with a set of five at 95 pounds.  I told Ron I REALLY want to do a 20 rep set at 145 pounds, so I can get a zillion quest points on Fitocracy.  He didn’t seem optimistic I could do this.  I think I might… someday.  Not now.  Tonight we did 135 pounds… and the first rep, I went down… and then it went “bad”.  Suddenly, I was falling and yelling at Ron and it was just ugly.  Ron saved me, but it was scary.  I just stood there a while thinking about how scary that was.  Then I decided to try it again so I wouldn’t lose my nerve.  I did a set of five reps at 135 pounds – then a second set.  Nothing bad happened.

For “pull”, I did my assisted chin-ups. I told Ron I wanted to try with my “smaller” band – which is only supposed to assist about 25 pounds.  I tried it – and I DID IT!!!!  I was so excited I just hung there afterward, staring at Ron.  He yelled “Don’t stop!  Keep doing them!”  But of course, it was too late and my arms were noodles and he needed to untangle me from the band so I could get down.  I rested a minute – and tried again, and I DID IT AGAIN!  It was super exciting!!!!  I told him I wanted to try it without ANY assistance, just to see… and I did… and I DID IT!!!  It was really hard and I honestly didn’t think I’d make it, but he was yelling and I DID IT!  There was a lot of screaming and happy dancing and high five-ing… not just with Ron but with a random trainer I didn’t know that was in the vicinity.  I AM SO PROUD OF ME!

Ever since I started the “New Rules of Lifting” program, I’ve wanted to do an unassisted chin-up.  This has been my biggest goal.  If I remember correctly, I could do things like this as a child playing on monkey bars… but definitely haven’t done these since at least my early teens.

I tried to do another unassisted one, but couldn’t manage.

Then we did a “circuit” of body-weight squats, squat jumps, big ball rotations, ninja lateral lunges, and ball slams… then I went home and ATE ALL THE FOOD, as I am building muscles!

Assisted chin-ups, with “training wheels” (in the form of a resistance band) – 48% less awesome than unassisted chin-ups

I did a little warm-up… my New Rules of Lifting books recommend ten minutes of “RAMP”, but I get bored quickly. I did ten lateral lunges and a few squat-to-stands and figured that was good enough.  Ron asked me what we were doing that night.  This is one of the many reasons Ron is awesome.  A coworker once asked me what my trainer “makes” me do.  My trainer does not “make” me do anything!  My trainer asks me what I WANT to do!  He recommends additional exercises – or different exercises – but he does not “make” me do stuff I don’t want to do.  He keeps it focused on what I want, what my goals are, and what I like to do (which is basically lift/squat/push/pull heavy things).

First I asked Ron what “glute hamstring raises” were because my friend Jenny-bean likes them.  People, if you don’t know what these are… just know they ARE MADE OF EVIL.  If done incorrectly, I’m pretty sure you do a face plant into the floor and break your nose.  (Ron and a stability ball were preventing me from doing this – but it would be easy to do, and painful.)  If done correctly, these make your bottom and the back of your legs SCREAM FOR MERCY.  I did three.

I decided we do quest hoaring (or as less crude people on Fitocracy put it – quest hoeing) Wednesday night.  Ron had discovered he was NOT leaving February 28, but on March 15. So, since this wasn’t our last session, there was a lot less anxiety on my end about finding out all the secrets to managing without him RIGHT NOW.

Playing quest hoar is one of my favorite things to do at the gym.  Fitocracy (the app/site that allows you to track your fitness and makes it game-like) has “quests” that you can do for extra points.  Often, the quests are a way to encourage you to try new exercises.  So, I usually do them with Ron because I don’t want to try a new exercise by doing it WRONG and hurting myself.

We started with “Anterior, Middle, Posterior” quest, which involved the standing barbell shoulder press, seated dumbbell shoulder press, and cable rope rear-delt row/face pull.  I’d done shoulder presses before – no problem.  I did a 50 pound barbell shoulder press for ten reps.  Ron received… “constructive criticism” or “feedback” at this point.  As a trainer, I would suggest you NOT take the heavy thing your client just struggled with in ONE HAND and effortlessly pop it back up on the rack.  I suggested he use TWO HANDS and give the appearance it is not as easy as picking up a tissue – because that does not make your client feel good about what they just did.  Ron took this under consideration.

Next was seated dumbbell shoulder press – for which I used 25 pound dumbbells.  I only managed five reps.  I prefer to do these standing, as the “New Rules of Lifting” authors suggest – but again, we are questing.  Ron grunted audibly when he picked up the 25 pound dumbbells to put them back on the rack.  I advised him that he did not need to be RIDICULOUS about the whole thing, just look like it took SOME effort.

Last bit, the “face pull” thing, was new to me.  Ron asked some gym muffin to let me work in for a quick set, and taught me the exercise and I did it.  It seems… okay.  Maybe if the weight was heavier I’d like it.  Quest complete – 100 bonus points!  Woot!

Then we did the “Press Press Press” quest.  I did barbell bench press – only 65 pounds and only five reps as I was being a baby that night.  I’ve been a baby a lot lately, especially for bench press.  Then we did dumbbell bench press – and we tried 40 pounds, because 40 pounds would get me the “level one” dumbbell bench press achievement badge… but the 40 pound dumbbells wouldn’t move.  In fact, Ron handed me the first one and I nearly rolled off the bench off the floor.  I pressed and pressed and they didn’t budge and then I did the screaming “get the heavy things off me! get them off!” and Ron had to take them away.  He got me the 30 pound dumbbells… and after some time and a LOT of effort, I managed a single rep.  Super lame.  I hang my head in shame at my bench press performance.

Then I did five bench dips to complete the quest – I never do dips because Ron and the “New Rules of Lifting” authors say they can cause shoulder injury and there are safer options – but this is quest hoaring.  All is fair in quest hoaring, even bicep curls.  Ron said the bench dips are safer than the other kinds – so that’s what I did, though honestly I don’t know if I could do the other kind at all without assistance anyway.  Quest complete, another 100 bonus points!

Then we did my assisted chin-ups.  I showed Ron my cool new “20 pull-ups” app which is by the same company that does the “100 push-ups” app I started using.  I did 20 total chin-ups, using my training wheels (resistance band for assistance) over five sets.  I did not crush Ron’s fingers this time.  Bonus for Ron.

We talked for a bit, and I was able to schedule six more session with Ron before March 15.  YAY!  Three sessions a week for the next two weeks.  I am stoked about this.  I also asked Ron if he wanted to take the “mini-Ron” made of yarn and stuffing with him when he left.  I told him I would NOT be offended if he didn’t.  He said he did… but he felt kind of bad about taking him.  I told him I originally was sad at the thought.  However:

1) I could make a new one, if I really wanted

2) I could make a DARYL DIXON one!  Mini-Lintee Bean could be coached by DARYL DIXON!  That would be AWESOME!

Ron seemed a little hurt I thought this “Daryl Dixon” was more awesome than he was.  Ron does not watch The Walking Dead.  (This is weird.  Does he realize you can watch on NetFlix?  I don’t have cable or satellite TV and I still watch The Walking Dead – I’m just a season behind.)  I explained that Daryl Dixon had a CROSSBOW and hunted squirrels and killed zombies and was AWESOME.  Ron seemed to understand that, though Ron is made of muscles and awesome, Daryl Dixon kills zombies and therefore.. is even more awesome.

After we were done, I did the “It IS polite to Stair” quest on my own.  It’s simply five flights of stairs (in lieu of elevator).  I could have done this at home, but the geek in me feels that would be “cheating” because it’s not like I have the choice of an elevator at home. I can’t do stairs at work because security doesn’t allow us in the stairwells of our high-rise unless it’s an emergency drill – or a real emergency.  So, I walked up (and down) the single flight of stairs at the gym five times, looking strange.

When all was said and done, I was still 100 points short of “leveling up” on Fitocracy.  However, I tracked my walk to/from the train today, and did some bodyweight exercises while heating dinner, and I leveled up tonight.  Level 24!  Booyah!