Most of my gifts were “kitchen sets” consisting of a potholder and a tawashi (a cotton puff great for washing dishes, cleaning, etc.)

"Skull" set for my niece and her husband (who loves skulls and served in the military)

Hat and mitts for my sister (other sister gets the cowl and fingerless mitts I posted previously)

Hat - done as pattern test for designer, to be donated to charity

Butter Cream kitchen set

Cook Different kitchen set - for an Apple fan

Turtle Soup kitchen set

Stir Me Up kitchen set

Bearded Hat - for my dad, who has a great sense of humor - and will keep his head and face warm

Piggy potholder and tawashi

Dinnertime kitty/fishy potholder

Garden Patch kitchen set

Cowboy cookout potholder (reverse is solid blue with jeans pocket design)

Another Dinnertime! kitty/fishy potholder

Green Bay Packers kitchen set

A wine-colored Swiffer cover and tawashi

another Packers potholder set

Cardinals kitchen set

Snowflake hat

Scrappy cone hat

Baby bird hat

Four more hats

Pine green leaves hat

Quick little headband for myself

Hooty owl hat

Another baby bird hat

Another hooty owl hat

Patchwork apple potholder

Smiley face kitchen set

Bluebird kitchen set

Bed Bugs baby blankie

Holly-day snowman hat - test for pattern designer

I also did a little more dying – and took some solid lilac cotton and turned it into a purple/green multi-colored yarn.  I made a tawashi out of some of it – haven’t decided what to do with the rest.  (Once again, I did manage to make a tangled mess of it.)

Hand-dyed yarn (solid is yarn used to dye, multi-colored is result)

Yarn after dying and before detangling and hanking

... and it crochets up like this tawashi

I’d like to make a greater effort in my relationships with family. While I didn’t send out any holiday cards the past year or two, I wanted to send cards to my remaining aunts and uncle this year. I haven’t much faith in the Chicago postal service.  I once got a thank you card from my mother years after she sent it. Sometimes I wonder if I’d as much luck throwing my mail on the street and hoping a kind passerby takes it where intended as putting my stamped mail in a mailbox. However, I feel good for attempting to send the cards.

Every year I have goals related to my health.  Some coworkers have been raving about the film “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead” and I watched it last week. The documentary centers around two men who complete 60 day fasts in order to change their lives, and their health. They eat nothing for 60 days, drinking only water and freshly-juiced fruits and vegetables. It was pretty inspiring to watch. Half way through the movie, I made myself a fruit smoothie. However, a few hours after it was over, I ordered delivery from my favorite Asian restaurant.  So, I guess the inspiration was somewhat short-lived.

Motivated by the film, one of my coworkers is starting his own 15-day “detox” after the holidays. I’ve decided to join him.  I spoke to my doctor, and she thinks it’s a great idea for me to avoid all (delicious) processed foods for 15 days. She also recommended some natural remedies to help me sleep better at night. I plan on eating and drinking fresh fruits and vegetables, as well as soy milk and other soy products. I even ordered a juicer. Good nutrition and sleep may be my path to better wellness.

I went into the office two days last week, and walked to and from the train. It felt good to get some exercise.  I hope to start going to the gym again soon, at least for some stretching or yoga classes. I don’t know that I’ll be ready for hockey classes in the immediate future, but I still hope to get back on the ice at some point!

Over the past nearly three years I’ve really enjoyed writing this column every other week. It’s brought me a lot of pleasure to share my stories and thoughts with you.  I hope you’ve had some fun reading them. All good things must come to an end, and I think it’s time to bring this column to a close. Like a TV series that’s run its course, I think my column has crossed some invisible finish line – at least for now.

Happy holidays, and all the best for the year ahead.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen

One surprise was the movie “Isolation”.  I didn’t hold out much hope for this one, honestly. It’s a horror movie, and the film’s description mentioned cows given fertility drugs and giving birth to mutant offspring. I know something of cows.  I didn’t grow up on a farm, but I grew up in a rural community and I’ve been around cattle. They’re really not that scary. Cows don’t generally run fast or jump high or eat people. They don’t even have sharp claws or fangs. I had trouble imagining anyone running for their life from a mutant cow. However, the movie was surprisingly good.  Not great, by any means, but I watched the entire thing and actually kind of paid attention and enjoyed it.

Another surprise movie was “Good Neighbors”. It was set in Canada, and I think I recognized at least one of the actors.  It had a rather dark, twisted plot. However, the cats in the movie were excellent.  I’m serious. I actually watched the credits at the end of the movie to find out the names of the cat actors. (There were six cats that played the three cat roles in the film.) Even if you don’t care for cats, the plot is strange enough I think it warrants a watch – if you like dark movies about serial killers.

Beginning to suspect I may have seen every horror, suspense, and thriller movie that’s worth seeing, I’ve moved on to TV series. I’m watching a lot of documentaries on crimes solved using forensics. I also watched the series “I (almost) got away with it” about criminals that escaped prison and lived on the run for years, evading capture. I’m learning a lot. I don’t anticipate the need to run from police – but if I do, I’m now armed with an arsenal of information on countries without extradition treaties and means of getting fake identification. I also know about activities to avoid if I want to remain undetected – like dealing drugs, becoming an enforcer for a gang, and singing karaoke.

I do like fictional crime dramas as well as documentaries. However, when I watch crime dramas, it drives me nuts when the actors don’t follow proper procedure. I realize we have to fit these dramas into the time allowed and so liberties are taken. We can’t wait weeks for DNA results, for example. However, they should at least put on gloves before handling evidence! When they search a house, I think they should speed it up. Hostages and evidence are never in the living room or kitchen on the first floor -  let’s just skip those rooms and go immediately to the creepy attic or basement.

One thing I can say – almost any movie or show I’ve seen on NetFlix is better than the videos I need to watch for my professional continuing education credit. Those are what I should be watching, but they’re an entirely different kind of horror.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen

Asian Beauty Afghan

Close-up of motifs

I also finished up another baby blanket – for a gift or donation to charity.  This took about a week. I wasn’t sure about the color combination, but now that it’s done I like it.  (The lighter purple is actually a yarn with white and purple and multi-colored ribbon together.)

Star Blanket

I don’t know where all the time has gone. There are days where it seems all I do is make and answer phone calls, scheduling doctor appointments, arranging tests, and ordering from pharmacies. However, I can’t imagine that actually takes ten hours! Some days I need to go out for doctor or test appointments, and drive across town and wait – and often I’ll stop by the grocery store afterward. But it’s not like I’m doing that every day.

I’ve been getting out of bed later since my surgery, that’s for certain. Still, it seems like I get up, do the usual morning tasks of brushing teeth, feeding cats, etc., and it’s nearly lunchtime. Am I really moving that much slower?

Most days I can’t even stay awake all day. When I was going into the office, I never took a nap at my desk. However, the last few weeks if I manage to stay awake all day it seems a pretty major accomplishment. Bonus points if I take a shower.

I often turn on the television, though what’s on is rarely fascinating enough to hold my interest. I’ve caught myself watching “Dr. Oz” and making notes on some herbal supplement he recommends.  There are a lot of attorney’s advertisements targeted for people that are home from work due to disability. They say that “if you, or someone you know, has experienced a heart attack, stroke, or even death due to this drug… call us”. I’m often tempted to call and tell them I died and see what they say.

When I am feeling well, I try to do some work from home.  Thanks to the Internet, I can sign on to my office network and it’s almost like being there.  One difference is that although I still get the emails regarding donuts in the kitchen – they’re not in MY kitchen.

Family and friends call to check on me.  So, there’s time spent talking to them. Sometimes I don’t answer, and they assume I’m out.  I’m not.  The chance they’ve called when I’m actually out at a doctor appointment is slim.  More likely, I’m asleep or just don’t answer the phone. I doubt I didn’t have time to chat.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen

A coworker saw the horrible Yoda and Princess Leia I made, and asked me to make a set of Star Wars softies. She gave them as a birthday gift:

Han Solo, Princess Leia, and Yoda

Clarice by Kim Guzman, made with MeiMei bamboo in macaroon

I crocheted a pair of socks:

A pair of crocheted socks for me

I made a shawl – I called it “Finding Nemo in the Seaweed”. I landed up swapping it in the Ravelry “Karma Yarn swap” group.

Finding Nemo in the Seaweed shawl

I’ve played with making stitch markers, more tape measure covers, and even a shawl pin:

shawl pin and tape measure for swap package

Tape measure covers - replacements for defective ones

Halloween-themed notions set: "Nightmare Before Christmas" tape measure, "Nightmare on Elm Street" snips, and stitch markers

Tape measure cover made for swap package

I made a baby blanket – this will either be a gift for a friend or given to charity (haven’t decided which yet)

"Darling Duckies" baby blanket

"Skullholder" potholder - given in Halloween-themed swap

Two kitchen "scrubbies" (sponges) - one "spider" and one from hand-dyed cotton, for swap package

A coworker/friend “commissioned” ten hats for a group she’s in

Ten "Tweflth Night" earflap hats

Shawl made for swap package

I tried my “hand” at dying again (and dyed my hands in the process).  I attempted to make “ecru” (natural) colored cotton into rainbow colors.  It didn’t turn out the way I hoped – but not half bad.  I made it into a kitchen set (scrubbies, dish towel, and potholder)

Hand-dyed yarn

Kitchen set - most likely will be my "prize entry" for a craft-along

I’ve always struggled with making mittens or fingerless mitts.  But I have them another try.  I had to modify the pattern as mine were turning out way too large – but they worked out okay

Fingerless mitts

Matching neckwarmer/cowl

I’ve been planning on making the “Dragonfly Shawl” by Kristin Omdahl for ages – and even found yarn from Yarntopia Treasures in a colorway called “dragonfly” for it.  Finally got that done.

Dragonfly shawl (back)

Another baby blanket - for a gift or charity

Finally – just finished this little top that I made as part of a “Crochet-along” where we all used this pattern by Mary Jane Hall

Capped-sleeve top

I was scheduled for surgery on Halloween, after a CT scan showed a tumor on my appendix. I originally told the surgeon I didn’t want the surgery AT ALL. I’d done some research and it seemed tumors on the appendix are usually no cause for alarm and there was little to no harm from just letting it be. However, the surgeon argued I absolutely MUST have surgery.

The surgeon wanted to remove not only the appendix but, depending on the size and location of the tumor, also remove a section of my large intestine. I did NOT want a part of my colon removed. I like having a colon and didn’t want it cut out just because it had the misfortune of being located near the appendix. I eventually told him I’d agree to an appendectomy, but not a colon resection.

The hospital staff wanted me at the hospital three hours before my scheduled procedure. Checking in went alright other than the consent form still listed a possible colon resection. So, I refused to sign it. The surgeon came to talk to me and we went “head to head”. He tried the caring approach, the scaring approach, and the outright over-bearing approach, but I refused to budge.  They finally revised the form and I was wheeled off to await the chopping block.

I woke up many hours later in the recovery area. The nurse had me rate my pain, 1 to 10, and gave me pain medication. Why do they wait until after you wake to give you pain medication, anyway?  Does anyone wake up and say “Oh, I feel fine! No need for pain medication for me!” Once the pain was bearable, my friends were allowed to come see me. Later, the surgeon came by to speak to me as well.

There was no tumor. I asked the surgeon if there was ANY sign of disease or inflammation with the appendix. There wasn’t. I was in surgery for hours as he’d explored my small intestines and other organs in the area, but he could find NOTHING wrong. I guess there must have been a mistake with the CT scan. I’ll certainly have some questions at my follow-up appointment.

I should be grateful I don’t have a tumor – but I never had a tumor. The doctors didn’t think removing a diseased appendix would improve my symptoms, so it certainly doesn’t seem like removing a perfectly healthy organ will help. If removing healthy organs benefits my health, maybe I should arrange to donate a kidney or part of a lung. I guess the “silver lining” of this dark cloud is the pain from the unnecessary surgery has taken my mind off some of the original symptoms for which the doctors still have no explanation.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen

Update 11/11/2011:  At my follow-up appointment, the surgeon said there was a fibrous mass on the appendix (non-cancerous) and that’s why the CT scan indicted a tumor.

One “trick”, in my case, is that the surgery has nothing to do with my symptoms. I’ve been complaining for a year now of nausea. The nausea hasn’t gone away, but it’s been joined by acid reflux, abdominal pain, and chest pain. The doctors ran tests and still have no idea why I have most of these symptoms, but they did discover a tumor on my appendix.

I got my first tattoo in February, the formula for the probability of survival.  This is the perfect tattoo for a math geek, in my opinion.  It’s like having “hope” in math speak.  Ironically, I got it right over where there’s now a tumor. Nice “trick”.

I’m not sure what my “treat” is.  It’s unlikely any of my symptoms will improve post-surgery, except possibly the abdominal pain on the lower right side.  I think I deserve a treat, and I have a few in mind.  I could wake up post-op to discover that my appendix weighed 40 pounds and I can wear all my clothes that don’t fit.

A friend said all surgeons are arrogant.  I want my surgeon to be arrogant – or at least extremely self-confident.  I don’t want a surgeon that says “I might be able to do this… or I might muck it up entirely and kill you…”  My surgeon seems very sure of himself, though, he is mean.  He refuses to perform a tummy tuck as long as he’s cutting me up.

No candy for me this Halloween, as obviously I have to fast before surgery.  I’m allowed only clear liquids the day before surgery, and I have to drink another gallon of foul liquid. If you’ve ever had a colonoscopy, you’re probably familiar with GoLytly – which does NOT make you “go lightly”.  It should be called “go quickly” or “go violently” or just “go to the bathroom – all day”.

Our Halloween costumes will be surgical masks and gowns, except me.  I get to wear a horrific hospital gown.  I see no reason these gowns are made of either tissue paper or torn stained nasty fabric.  At a minimum, why can’t they be a size that fits the average person? They are either so small the ties have no hope of joining, or so large it’s ridiculous. They’re always torn so you’re entirely exposed. If I could sew, I’d make my own – a cute little gown with ruffles.  The hospital probably doesn’t allow that. I think the gowns are intentionally awful to prevent you from changing your mind and running away.  They’re the hospital’s equivalent of the bright orange jumpsuits for convicts.

A friend of mine is expecting her first child, and her doctor said she had a beautiful cervix.  I’m jealous.  My doctors say I have an ugly appendix. So, they’re going to remove it, and chop it up for biopsy. My own personal slasher movie – minus the screaming. I still hold out some hope they’ll find the mass is actually an alien love child from an abduction I cannot recall. I can crochet hats for its three little heads and booties for its numerous legs.

I wish you all a very happy Halloween filled with pleasant tricks, treats, costumes, candy, and slasher horror movies.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

My doctors wanted me to undergo some more tests.  Dr M wanted an EKG, chest x-rays, and blood-work.  His nurse was kind enough to provide me a paper copy of the order, so I could go to any lab for the tests.  Dr A wanted blood-work as well, and his nurse sent it directly to the hospital’s lab. Then Dr M decided he wanted additional blood tests, and a 24 hour test, and sent the orders over the the hospital’s lab.

Last Friday I got the EKG done at the lab downtown (near work), as I had a paper copy of the order. They don’t do x-rays at that office. We didn’t do the blood-work as I only had the paper copy for some of the tests, and they were unable to reach Dr A or Dr M.

So Saturday I made the 20 minute drive across town to the hospital for the other tests. The lab could find no record of any tests requested by either Dr M or Dr A.  I got the chest x-rays done, since I had a paper copy. Again, no blood-work as I only had a paper copy for some of the blood tests.

While I was at the hospital, I asked for the supplies for the 24 hour test.  They handed me a container.  I haven’t done one of these 24 hour tests in years, but I thought it was more complicated than just a container.  I thought there would be instructions, or at least a label on the container.  I said so, and they looked at me like I was an idiot.  Well, maybe there have been medical advances and now it’s as simple as a container.

Monday, I traded phone calls with Dr A’s office  and Dr M’s office.  Dr A’s office just repeated that they sent the orders to the hospital’s lab. (Obviously, insisting the order is at the hospital’s lab when the lab says it is not does not get us anywhere.) Dr M’s nurse faxed me a paper copy of the new blood tests, so I could take it to the lab downtown for my blood tests. I did that over my lunch hour on Tuesday.

I stayed home from work on Wednesday to do my 24 hour test.  Thursday, I went to the lab downtown to drop off the container. The nurse’s first question was “Did you properly store the container at all times?”  Since no one told me it had to be stored a certain way, I didn’t store it properly. I have to take the test over again.  The nurse put together an entire kit with INSTRUCTIONS, a new container, and other supplies. At least we both had a laugh over the gymnastics I’d performed in order to attempt the test with only the container.

The drama is ongoing. I could go on and on about appointments that ran over an hour late, medications prescribed that insurance doesn’t, and agonizing attempts to reschedule appointments. While my medical woes would never make for an episode of “House”, they are draining.  I can see why Dr. House is so cranky all the time.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen